"active listening verb

Active listening is when you not only hear what someone is saying, but also attune to their thoughts and feelings. It turns a conversation into an active, non-competitive, two-way interaction.

Recently I attended a Chamber of Commerce networking event. As everyone knows, this is where meeting people and making a first impression is paramount. Having attended more of these events than I can count, I have been amazed at how people behave and how they approach others in an attempt to engage.

A young, female entrepreneur approached me to introduce herself and allowed me to do the same. We engaged in a conversation around what she brought to the table, what her organization offered for the betterment of society and then of course handed me her business card. I in turn spoke about my business and reciprocated with my card.

As I observed later on in the event, this young woman had collected quite a few business cards. The very next day I received an email from her. Certainly, admirable that she was very quick to try to connect with people she had spoken with; however, her email stated, “how nice it was to meet you last night John”. Whoa …. my name is not John. She had addressed me with an incorrect name. Rightly or wrongly, I was offended; if it was so nice to have met me then please, at the very least, get my name right. What this woman got wrong was that she had not listened to me well enough to connect my name to what I did. She was more interested in being heard than hearing.

In Stephen Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, I would suggest Habit #5 stands out as being the most important: “Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood”. Communication begins with active listening by all parties in a conversation. Too often we listen more to the voice in our heads trying to add to a conversation, than listening to what others are saying and only then formulating a response with more relevance and importance to the conversation.

Active listening is a learned skill. Rarely have we received training to listen in a way that enables us to really listen deeply for understanding another person. We usually want to get our point across first.

"Active listening requires de-centering from one’s fixed position to be fully present with another." Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD

8 ACTIVE LISTENING TECHNIQUES

1. Be fully present in the conversation.

2. Show interest by making good eye contact.

3. Be aware of and use non-verbal cues (body language).

4. Ask open-ended questions to encourage ongoing dialogue.

5. Paraphrase and repeat back what you heard; thereby, demonstrating that you’ve captured the essence of their comments.

6. Be patient to allow the other person to speak without interruption.

7. Listen to understand rather than respond too quickly.

8. Withhold judgement and advice enabling the other person to feel comfortable and safe.

These skills are the foundation of successful, engaging and reciprocal conversations in any setting, at home, in business or in social settings. Being an active listener in any relationship involves recognizing that the conversation is more about the other person than about you.

Active listening enhances communication, aids in building strong relationships, reduces misunderstandings and promotes more effective problem solving. Active listening helps in creating reciprocal, empathetic and respectful understanding, signaling to the other person that what they say matters. On both ends of active listening, people feel more connected and collaborative which is why it is such a vital tool when it comes to communication.