Emotional Intelligence (EI) is: "the ability to manage both your own emotions and understand the emotions of people around you."

I’ve always loved wearing hats

“As I share my story, I realize that I am not alone in this experience. Wanting to start my own business was a vision. Opening a hat store was my dream. Having graduated from university with a degree in economics, I felt I had the knowledge to manage the financial side of running a business. I also knew it would be a challenge because really, how many people actually wear fancy hats today? There were milliners, manufacturers and importers to source; there was a retail location needed in an area that would cater to the right clientele; there were store fixtures to purchase; there was a myriad other things that needed to be put into place before I could actually celebrate the “Grand Opening” that I had envisioned.

And then the doubts began. I knew what I wanted but, where to start? Was I being realistic? Did I have enough capital to undertake this venture? Did I really know enough about people, about hats, about selling? How will I find clients? How will I promote the business? What is the marketing process? What do I know about social media? What have I gotten myself into?

And, like many new business owners, I felt that I had to do everything by myself. The store start-up was costing much more than I had anticipated. The last thing that I could afford was getting outside help. What started out as being a happy venture quickly became a nightmare; I was overwhelmed and losing confidence in myself. I felt that suppliers were sensing my insecurities and taking advantage of me. I didn’t know how to express my needs clearly. I postponed making critical decisions about things that should have been addressed early on.

In hindsight, I knew that I had a good idea for a successful business and that I really did know what I was doing; however, that negative voice inside me almost paralyzed me, almost causing me to give up on my dream. I lost sight of the “why” of starting my business. It very nearly got in the way of my success; I nearly got in the way of my success.” Bonnie H.

How do people get in the way of their own success? If, instead of working for you, your own behavior creates obstacles, you are “getting in your own way”.

Examples include:

Letting my self-doubt cloud my awareness of what is actually happening.

Being unclear or vague when conveying what I want, what I need or how I feel.

Overthinking or overanalyzing to the point of paralysis.

Saying yes to everything and then wondering why I always feel so overwhelmed.

Postponing, or skirting a difficult conversation and prolonging a problem instead of addressing it.

Listening to the negative voice in my head that criticizes me instead of the one that is supportive.

Refusing to ask for help.

If these sound familiar, you are sabotaging your emotional intelligence. It is very difficult to overcome this drain on your actual abilities; it blocks your visions of success, your ability to communicate with clarity and authority, and ultimately sends you into a tailspin from which you see no escape. Do you see yourself in the story above?

Here are 7 effective tips to help you develop your emotional intelligence:

1. Practice observing how you feel: Start paying attention to your emotions and try to understand what triggers them.

2. Pay attention to how you behave: Observe how your emotions affect your behavior and how you react to certain situations.

3. Question your own opinions: Challenge your own beliefs and opinions to gain a better understanding of yourself and others.

4. Take responsibility for your feelings: Don't blame others for how you feel. Take ownership of your emotions and learn to manage them effectively.

5. Take time to celebrate the positive: Focus on the good things in your life and celebrate your successes.

6. But don't ignore the negative: Acknowledge and address the negative emotions and experiences in your life.

7. Don't forget to breathe: Take deep breaths to calm yourself down and gain control over your emotions.

It is important to not lose sight of your original ideals, ideas and why you wanted to start your own business. The problem is that you lose objectivity in the complex processes of building your business. In other words, you cannot see beyond the immediate challenges because you cannot step outside of yourself to see things from a detached, impartial viewpoint.

An outside resource, such as a business coach, brings that objectivity back into focus without the emotions that may be hindering you, and provides the guidance that will help you regain and maintain emotional intelligence equilibrium. This outside help is never an expense but an investment in your business success. With this help you can achieve the success that you envisioned.